not afraid

last post was 3 months ago, when i just started my internship at cuisine studio on july. and now is coming to an end. Im lying if i say nvr do count down for oct 2 to come. Blogging is another way to see if my english is getting worse or improving. i find myself cant type proper english in msn. I have no idea why. i dont feel tired and i don wanto be in bed yet, to avoid myself for thinking too much, well, just give xiao b a little time to express xiao b's feeling okie?

First of all, yeah, i had been working hard this 3 months, i like serving nice people, and i hate serving people tat are rich but look down on a little waitress, so wat u are rich? ur handbag is just a rag? come on.. i find being an adults is hard cos u got these complicated feelings. u have to face ur income, study/ work stress, ur relationship, ur duties to family and friends and to yourself. I understand why peeps got mad after work, but im certainly not agreed with smoke bcz u are stress. man, there is so many other ways to release stress, do sports. is the best~ talking bout sports, xiao b had a FIT BODY 2 years ago, but now xiao b is getting FAts~ is time to a kick out and i will start with nike run. if possible. GOAL? is to aim getting marks for kwang hua~ shhh, im overage for those categories ~ anyway, is jz to burn fats. if possible, ima do jogging practise after intern and prepare myself for 1010 nike run.

oh yea, 1010 is lynn's bday~ hope i get medal on that day dude~

katy perry said, lets run away and dont every look back dont ever look back

can i dont look back? come on, i had this really heavy duties, is on my shoulder all the time and is getting heavier and heavier. if only there is miracle in the world, send me someone tat i could trust? send me someone tat i could share with. send me someone to tell me WAT TO DO?

actually,

i do have someone tat could share with, thank you for borrowing your ears. so now i say, i appreciate you, i thank you, I will go insane if u are not there during tough time, i know is gross, but. im proud to say i got you~( borrow from leona) dont ew, me saying this, from the bottom of my heart, merci . ( EWWWWWWW) j'adore tu. i'l try my best to get korean for u. ha!

im not afraid, to take the stand. we'll walk this road together, through the storm, watever weather, cold or warm.

one thing important to say, On my graduation day. ONE DAY? if mom was not able to be there, the PARENT that i will be bringing is my sister. My sister. MY SISTER. u hear me the world? IMA bring my sister to see me graduate one day. On that day tat i yelled at her, tat day i made this decision. Thank you sis. for hardwork u did for this family. this mess-ed family wont stay on without you. i aint strong enough like you. though u are really stupiak most of the time.

I MUST BE STRONG no matter how high i fall.

chicky~

This is Not Vain a~ this is for frens that misses chicky

Life is a climb, and i am hardcore climbing.

我的感觉。

我到底是在搞什么鬼？
为何心里总是那么多感觉，触感。
有点想麻痹自己，不再去问世间，但，我知道这是不可能的事。
长大了，面对的事真的非常不容易。我知道，我并不成熟。我多想让身边的人，对我的感觉是，成熟可靠。某些时候，我真的夹住了在小孩与大人的成熟世界。我爱玩，我真的很爱玩。可是，我并不可以放纵我自己。真的好痛苦。明明就很想做的事，可是，为了身边的人，我并不可以 去做。大家都说，做大事的人，会思考，体谅，不会乱发脾气，有头脑， 尽责。我真的就想做一个黄毛小子。一个不用为自己做的事负责任，不会去理会。我行我素的人。但，我明白，大家都为大家牺牲。我做点牺牲又算得了什么？ ~~ 我只想发泄吧！Everyone has to make scarifies, for their love one.

答应过了自己，要做一个有学问，体贴，幽默，的人。
身为一个二姐，这学问，挺难。很难把~
作为一个朋友，这，还越变越难了。友谊不就是简简单单，开开心心，不伤害他人，就可以了吗？为何，变得那么复杂？其实，对我而言，友谊不算得了什么，我的不算得了什么，是指，friendship suppose to be fun, why wanto make things hard? i care about u and that is enough, im the type of person that i wil only care about u if u show me that u care. i have no good fren. but once u are important, then u are. the whole life, my passing mark, is HIGH. i have no offence but i still care about all my friends. no worries. is just, the definition of being my goodfren~

我现在很满意我的生活。我不想有改变。我爱我的家人。我可是爱你们。为了你们，我会尽我的一切。我的妈妈。若您能收到这讯息。。 i just miss u so.

china oh china

guess the world know that china just won the thomas cup AGAIN. congratulation and celebration to them.
一分耕耘，一分收获。付出几多，得到几多。
我要让我自己明白到，无论我做什么事情，付出了多少，我得到的就多少。i wanto use this in my study theory.
一个运动员付出的，绝对是无法想象的。。 一个平凡的我，到底能有什么贡献呢？我不想做平平凡凡。我要有所作为。可是这么懒惰的我。能有什么大事做呢？
林丹，所付出的，绝对比他人多。所以，不必要眼红，你有的是实力，证明给世界看，我不是浪得虚名。
而我，就得证明给我，跟我的家人看，虽然我的头脑是慢，可是我不是笨。不是不能，我是懒惰。就这个懒惰，就这个。而已。
华语不好的我，真的太过烂了。可是，我还是个华人。一个留着祖先血统的华人。一个向象征着刻苦耐劳的精神。我得好给保留。原谅我的烂话语吧。。
哎哟。真的很难。。。。

when everyone are wishing the world happy mother's day

What m i doing?
i wished my mom happy mother's day.
but she don reply or answer me.
i smile to her and hoping that she could understand what m i doing
i can see the big huge eyes which does not belongs to me were rolling with tears
i wish she can just call out my name.
but i know this is so so so impossible.
i dunno . i really dunno how. from the bottom of my heart, i have no idea how to share with the world through words. i wish there is only someone who really know and understand could tell me and guide me what to do. im so lost now.
i look at her today, i cant stand more than 5 minute but to leave her aside.
i'll cry, i will just cry if i stay a little longer face to face with her.
someone please tell me what to do. as i grow older, there is not much fren tat would really be a listener, not much fren tat really understand me, no matter how close once we were.
what do i left in me?
outlook of a clown, inside with a broken heart.
happy mothers' day. to whom?
i wish u receive it.
-- sound of my heart----

What about now? zzzz

Cant i? cant i cant i?
why so kepo!
cant i keep to myself?
fuck the feel.

i got your back, what about mine?

tall chick,
'' dont worry, i got ur back''
'' im there for you''
'' is okay, gt chicky''

i got your back, what about mine?
simple, im a person a human who has emotion and feelings, i'll fall like others do, hell yea, im the ass tat always pretending to be strong, i wan face. tats not wrong. but when i fall, whose gonna be behind me? telling everyone, dont worry, i got ur back.. is okay, u gt me..
WHAT about me? whose the one tat gonna be there for me? is not fair when i'll be there to catch ur back but none be there for me when i fall? when im weak and hopeless, whose there for me? hell yea, i don know. when im down in the rain, who do i think of? mayb one or two peeps, but no they arent there for me. no they are not. or i wanto emphasize is, im a human tat who will feel weak and need one or two to be there for me. dissapointed post on this moment.
but to thanks gula, im glad tat i found u.